[ bellamy sighs, exasperated. he begins to think up something else, something that isn't a lie but isn't much of the truth, either, when he realises he just can't. he doesn't lie to raven, and this won't be the start in shifting their relationship into an odd and messed up direction. instead of pretending she's not clawing beneath his skin in the worst way, he lets his words sound annoyed, ] Raven, come on.
What? [A moment, before she sighs, and tries with a softer tone:] What? I can wonder about this. Do you honestly think leaving to be alone is going to help you?
[ bellamy's pretty sure the answer is no. it's meant to be that, but he doesn't think to give her an answer he knows isn't true for him. he often wants what he shouldn't have. space, when he's had too much of it in his apartment, despite feeling like the walls are starting to close in, seems to be the very thing he thinks he needs. ]
[ he doesn't need to take much time to think over his quiet answer. ] Yes.
[ if she were anyone else, he'd hang up. instead, he only grows more aggravated at finding her shoving him into a corner. he doesn't know what he had expected — for raven to easily say yes with no question as to his motivations for wanting to leave the city for some time. bellamy isn't quite ready to leave just yet, but he supposes that could be what she's thinking. ]
[ he's quiet for a moment before he sighs, except, this time, it isn't of exasperation. bellamy simply gives up. ]
I'm tired of expecting Octavia to walk through the door. [ he rubs his hand down his face, it partly obscuring the start of his voice. ] I want to go somewhere where I won't miss her.
[He doesn't seem to realize that the more he gives, the more she wants to keep on digging. It's something she herself does; she holds her secrets close to heart, but the ones she's willing to share, she waits on until the moment is right. Until someone cares enough to ask.
Well, she's asking.]
And you think going full hermit in the woods will help? Leaving behind -- at least take the dogs with you. They don't deserve to feel abandoned because you need space, it's not like they'll ask you how you feel.
[ bellamy doesn't know why he's resistant. it's not like his dogs aren't necessarily trained. if he was confident enough to let nike off her leash, maybe he'd discover she wouldn't run away. but he's always tried to hold tightly onto the reins of control, and even though this is a sign he may be feeling it starting to slip away — he doesn't know why he's resistant. bellamy's always known the motivations behind his actions and even his words since he'd been seven. ]
[ maybe it's that feeling. being abandoned by clarke, feeling as though he's abandoning the kids back home — bellamy's realised he's grown to be comfortable here, and it's that which seems to drive him to find something familiar. ]
[ his face scrunches up. ] I can't take the dogs up into the mountains. They're too small.
Edited (abandoned a word, my b.) 2016-03-01 20:57 (UTC)
Ah. Good for them. [It's a murmur, but it's still a very dry one, because she just figured out why people leave their pets with other people when they leave the city. It's a way to say sorry for leaving, and here, don't be lonely.
It's not that she wouldn't do it, not like she wouldn't take care of his dogs even at the risk of dragon vs dog showdowns. Hell, she'll even feed Chion, but he's running. He's not running back home, he's running into the forest, he's running away from something. Maybe he's punishing himself for something. ]
We took Nike into the forest and she was just fine. Tinier than now, too.
[ bellamy's quiet for a long moment. he could take the dogs out with him, but he doesn't want to. even though they're a distraction enough, a part of him doesn't want that. it's confusing; he wants to go to the mountain to leave behind how his apartment feels unbalanced while isolating himself from the two — or three, if chion counts — beings that would see him thinking about everything but his sister — and recent events. ]
[ it's easier to turn this around on her, so he does. ]
You're acting like I'm going to go into the mountains and stay there.
[Cheap shots are being taken there, Bellamy Blake. (And you're a bad shot.)]
So are you. [Calling to tell her he needs her to take care of the dogs? Someone who just wants to take a hike asks for dog-sitting favors, or calls to invite you along. This is like brooding in front of the ocean, but on a bigger scale.]
[ it seems simple to him: ask someone to check in on the dogs while he's away. he doesn't need to google or even ask someone not from his world if that's the most appropriate way to go about caring for them when he intends to leave for a few days. he'd do it with octavia, even though bellamy had never thought there'd ever come a time where he'd let anyone take care of his sister. ]
[ it's much easier to look at it as though it's black and white. much simpler without any motivations shoved in there to make it grey. ]
I'm asking you if you can check in on the dogs for a few days. If you don't want to do it, Raven, I'll ask someone else.
[ dryly: ] I'm not going to trip and fall and need a rescue. [ and he sounds like he believes it. he's not going to trip and fall and need a rescue. if he trips, he'll handle it. it's how it's always been. he has no plans to worry raven, even though he suspects he's gone ahead and screwed that up. ]
[ after a pause, his tone shifts. it's no longer dry, or quick to try and brush off what he knows is her caring about him. his voice is much lower. ] Thanks, Raven. I'll leave a key under the doormat.
Or you get chased by the yeti - semantics. [There's some lightness in her tone. She hasn't resigned to letting him get off that easily, but that's between her and herself for now. (Some navel-gazing would be good. Such as: what does it matter to her that she wants to go be a hermit?) (She knows why.)
And then sarcasm.] Since when do you have a doormat?
[ he's about to ask her what yeti, but thinks if it's not a figure of speech, he'll find out when he flicks through what he has on the city of eudio and all its forestry, mountains, and odd places. he wouldn't put it past this place having a yeti. ]
[ he gets why she's laughing. buying a doormat just to hide a key for her sounds ridiculous to him. still, though, he doesn't join in with her laughter. taking this a little too seriously, bellamy just frowns. ]
What if you lose it? You've got a lot of silver crap at your place.
[ it'd be smarter to just drop it in her mailbox and hope she doesn't get a lot of mail delivered that day so it doesn't get lost, but bellamy saw it in a film, and in a television show, and he's so close to buying a pot plant to shove it under because that seems to be the way this goes. trying to be normal and fit in isn't working for him. ]
[ on second thought: ] You own a lot of crap. And a dragon who eats crap.
First thing I'd look for a key if I were a thief would be under the shiny new doormat. [She sighs, because her life is suffering.]
I'll promise not to lose your key. Or, if you're so fucking adamant on going, just bring the dogs over? I can keep them and Chion upstairs and Gruff won't eat them.
They're going to wreck your shit. [ chion, especially, given how easily distracted the snowgie is. it sounds like an excuse, and to an extent, it is one, but he does know pulling young animals from one place to another may not be so good. reading things makes him feel more in tune with this world, but also makes him come off as though he's indecisive. ]
[ he sighs, aggravated with himself. despite how this entire situation is demonstrating how difficult it is for him to run, he's still insistent he go. ] I don't want to inconvenience you anymore, Raven. I'll give you a key and leave one somewhere outside my place.
[They probably would, indeed. But they probably might also end up there, because two dogs alone at home? That's not fair, and he knows it. She doesn't say, just sighs again.]
[ he's well aware he's making it a little too complicated, but it seems to be the only way he can weave the thread in his hands. he doesn't want the dogs to come, but he doesn't want them to be alone, and yet, wishes to inconvenience raven with them while also not wishing to bother her more. if he's to try and untangle it, he can see what he's trying to do, and that's the very reason why he doesn't want to look at his intentions here. he doesn't know what they are. ]
Thanks. [ it bears repeating again, even though he says it mostly to fill the awkward space. ] I should probably go — get that key cut. I'll drop it off later. [ in her mailbox, just like she said, even though he'd been creating a knot around that, too. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
CALL.
CALL.
CALL.
[ he doesn't need to take much time to think over his quiet answer. ] Yes.
CALL.
[Silence follows, then a sigh from her.]
CALL.
[ he's quiet for a moment before he sighs, except, this time, it isn't of exasperation. bellamy simply gives up. ]
I'm tired of expecting Octavia to walk through the door. [ he rubs his hand down his face, it partly obscuring the start of his voice. ] I want to go somewhere where I won't miss her.
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Well, she's asking.]
And you think going full hermit in the woods will help? Leaving behind -- at least take the dogs with you. They don't deserve to feel abandoned because you need space, it's not like they'll ask you how you feel.
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[ bellamy doesn't know why he's resistant. it's not like his dogs aren't necessarily trained. if he was confident enough to let nike off her leash, maybe he'd discover she wouldn't run away. but he's always tried to hold tightly onto the reins of control, and even though this is a sign he may be feeling it starting to slip away — he doesn't know why he's resistant. bellamy's always known the motivations behind his actions and even his words since he'd been seven. ]
[ maybe it's that feeling. being abandoned by clarke, feeling as though he's abandoning the kids back home — bellamy's realised he's grown to be comfortable here, and it's that which seems to drive him to find something familiar. ]
[ his face scrunches up. ] I can't take the dogs up into the mountains. They're too small.
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It's not that she wouldn't do it, not like she wouldn't take care of his dogs even at the risk of dragon vs dog showdowns. Hell, she'll even feed Chion, but he's running. He's not running back home, he's running into the forest, he's running away from something. Maybe he's punishing himself for something. ]
We took Nike into the forest and she was just fine. Tinier than now, too.
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[ it's easier to turn this around on her, so he does. ]
You're acting like I'm going to go into the mountains and stay there.
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So are you. [Calling to tell her he needs her to take care of the dogs? Someone who just wants to take a hike asks for dog-sitting favors, or calls to invite you along. This is like brooding in front of the ocean, but on a bigger scale.]
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[ it seems simple to him: ask someone to check in on the dogs while he's away. he doesn't need to google or even ask someone not from his world if that's the most appropriate way to go about caring for them when he intends to leave for a few days. he'd do it with octavia, even though bellamy had never thought there'd ever come a time where he'd let anyone take care of his sister. ]
[ it's much easier to look at it as though it's black and white. much simpler without any motivations shoved in there to make it grey. ]
I'm asking you if you can check in on the dogs for a few days. If you don't want to do it, Raven, I'll ask someone else.
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[After a pause she adds,] Just do me a favor and take your phone with you? In case you trip and fall and need a rescue.
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[ after a pause, his tone shifts. it's no longer dry, or quick to try and brush off what he knows is her caring about him. his voice is much lower. ] Thanks, Raven. I'll leave a key under the doormat.
[ after he goes and buys a doormat. ]
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And then sarcasm.] Since when do you have a doormat?
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Ask me that again in a few hours.
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Where else am I going to hide my key?
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[ it'd be smarter to just drop it in her mailbox and hope she doesn't get a lot of mail delivered that day so it doesn't get lost, but bellamy saw it in a film, and in a television show, and he's so close to buying a pot plant to shove it under because that seems to be the way this goes. trying to be normal and fit in isn't working for him. ]
[ on second thought: ] You own a lot of crap. And a dragon who eats crap.
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I'll promise not to lose your key. Or, if you're so fucking adamant on going, just bring the dogs over? I can keep them and Chion upstairs and Gruff won't eat them.
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[ he sighs, aggravated with himself. despite how this entire situation is demonstrating how difficult it is for him to run, he's still insistent he go. ] I don't want to inconvenience you anymore, Raven. I'll give you a key and leave one somewhere outside my place.
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Okay, fine.
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Thanks. [ it bears repeating again, even though he says it mostly to fill the awkward space. ] I should probably go — get that key cut. I'll drop it off later. [ in her mailbox, just like she said, even though he'd been creating a knot around that, too. ]
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But for a couple of days, she can hold the fort.]
Okay, Bellamy. Pack smart.