pajarita | inbox (eudio)

that's going to require a lot of work, a lot of headache, and a lot of biting you in the ass if she finds out

Then I'll deal with it. She finally has the chance to be happy and I'm not going to take it away from her.

[There it is, the 'anything for Octavia' side of him. She can't even pretend to be surprised. And as for judgement?]

so what do you need of me?

Don't tell her about the Mountain Men or what Murphy did at the drop ship. The Grounders attacked, our plan worked, that's it. One less thing for her to worry about.

good thing my leg's fine then.

[she sends it before she can rethink that message, then feels guilty for the reminder, somehow. (what, are they supposed to forgive Murphy next? is she?)]

sorry
what if she asks about finn?

[ bellamy flinches; despite her forgiving him and clearing him of being guilty over her leg, he still feels it, stubborn to rebel even when it's meant to be best for him. ]

Killed by Grounders.

You can be pissed at me for this. I know it's unfair and I know it's a lot, but didn't you once not want to know anything about what happens? There has to be a reason why they approached her this early on, and I think it's because she's going to stay longer than before. I can't risk losing her for the third time.

[In this farce, there are so many things that have been erased, for Octavia's sake. Their story, Finn's, her own pain; she should like it, for the lack of pain, but it sinks like a bullet through flesh for him to answer that, to sound (read?) so dismissive of the one moment that wrecked her.

Killed by Grounders.

If he were facing her right now, he'd know how much that stung, and how much she feels, suddenly, like punching something. Instead, there's a clipped,]

i didn't want to know what happened next because i thought i would die
but fine
this is fine

No it's not.

well what else do you want me to say?

I don't want you to lie to me. Figured we were better friends than that, Raven.

I know it's a dick move, but I don't know what else to do.

you just want me to lie to your sister for you
which i'll do
i get it - keeping her in the dark will let her be happy for a while, bellamy, i don't deny you that
but if she ever finds out the truth, you'll drive a breach between the two of you that not even sudden war will manage to mend

it's not a dick move, it's a you move
i just can't believe i'm going along with it even if the thought of pretending like everything that happened didn't happen makes me
fucking angry

You think it's better to tell her half her friends are dead? Lincoln ends up in trouble? We get betrayed by the Grounders? It's too much. She's going to either go home to try and fix it all or she's going to take it upon herself to make a deal with the representatives to prevent it all from happening.

I'll tell her everything. Just not now. She's never had the chance to have a life and she gets one now. I'm not taking it away from her again. I want her to have that chance and she's going to get it.

i said i got it, bellamy
i said i'd do it

You want to tell her anything, I'll deal with the fallout.

what, you don't believe i'll keep up my promise?

No. I'm not going to force you to do something you don't want to do again.

first of all, what 'again'?

and second, you're not forcing me
i was gonna help you anyway, okay?
i don't like it - fuck, i hate it, but it's just the one part of the lie i hate - and eventually there'll be a fallout, but you're not handling it on your own

I went into the mountain with only you and Clarke feeding me information about what was happening outside. She told you not to tell me Octavia was in Tondc with the Grounders, and you didn't. You trusted her to make that choice to not tell me because you both knew I wouldn't focus on disabling the mountain if I knew Octavia wasn't at Camp Jaha. You don't think I was pissed? But she had a point.

what?

[She said she wasn't going to get mad at Clarke anymore for her poor choices, and she's going to hold onto that decision, even if it's tempting, right now.]

you're always focused when it's about octavia's life and safety
...how did you find out?

[ he doesn't know too many of the details, but given he'd asked and clarke had been the one to feed him the lie, he suspects she'd convinced raven to go with it. octavia had come back to camp and hadn't lingered in tondc. in hindsight, he should've known better. ]

[ and his focus had become fractured the moment he learned the truth. ]

[ approaching his far removed from how he had felt in the moment, and does in the aftermath whenever he lets his mind linger toward it, he sounds a little more like level-headed bellamy. which is odd, especially when it comes to him and octavia. he's had some time to think; while he's still angry, he supposes he understands their reasons. ]

How do you think? You told me.

There were times when it was just you on the radio, and you still didn't tell me where Octavia really was. You did eventually. When you thought I needed to hear it.

good.
good, that sounds like what i'd do
i don't understand the circumstances wholly, but i wouldn't feel comfortable lying to you about her

When I left for the mountain, I knew she was in Tondc. Clarke told me she was at camp when she wasn't. I'm not asking you to lie to her. I'm asking you not to talk to her about everything that happens after Alpha Station comes to the ground. It'll be easy; she doesn't know about the mountain, so she's not going to ask any questions.

i got it the first time

Thanks.

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