[She looks at him quiet for a moment, then one more slip, quietly:] I hope you don't have to remember. [At least that would be less of a pain in the ass. Remembering Eudio, and never being asked to come back. Remembering everyone left behind, and being stuck.
She lets out a slow exhale, and lets out a laugh.] Tell me you've got something to drink around here.
[ pushing himself from where he leans, he moves easily toward his fridge. while he doesn't have too much out of habit of keeping his own stock of food and drink light, bellamy has some of the essentials — that includes beer. he grabs two bottles of corona and shoves the door closed with his elbow. ]
[ placing them by the sink, he opens a drawer to grab the churchkey and opens them. tossing the lids into the sink with an audible clang, he leaves the opener on the counter and grabs the two bottles, holding one out for her. ]
[ it's a better distraction direction to go in, even though bellamy's beginning to wonder whether each time they detour from a tricky conversation if it'll show itself again in the near future. he thinks he can understand her desire to not talk about it anymore, but he still lets himself deny it. ]
[She takes his spot by the counter when he moves to get them beers, watching him while worrying her teeth over her bottom lip. This is a mess, not because it's awkward but because she keeps trying to find ways to not talk it out to the end. And he lets her.
Maybe it's one of those conversations that need to happen, out loud. Maybe she needs to stop waiting for him to be bold enough to say 'fuck it', and kiss her even if he plans to leave. (Maybe she'll thank him one day for not doing it.)
She takes a sip of the Corona, and shrugs.] It's okay. [Immediately, she starts to peel off the labels, picking at them while figuring out how to say the rest.]
I like that we're friends. I think I've told you that. [She glances up at him.] You know more about me now than anyone ever has, and...yeah, you're family. And I like that. [She glances down at the label again, peels some more off.] So if you're not ready to start anything, that's fine. I get it. But...I don't think I can handle waiting for it to happen again, so maybe we should just stick to being friends. [Because that'd be easier. Maybe a little painful at first, but easier to handle in the long run, than to wait and to pine for him. Nobody likes being rejected that much, anyway.]
[ he takes a long sip of his beer, his eyes on her, watching her peel at the label, before he looks away. he leans the side of his hip against the counter, his hand resting on the surface as he hold the cold beer in his other hand. and he ends up looking down at it briefly when she talks — it's more than what she's given him in the past. it isn't surprising to him she doesn't leave it alone; bellamy's the type to break a machine and leave it be, but he suspects raven's always liked to keep her hands busy, fixing away until she's either successful or proven to be dealing with something that's determined to never work again. he's never quite had the experience she's had with relationships, only ever keeping his hands busy with ensuring the one he has with octavia is as good as it can be. ]
[ he looks up at her with a small smile. ] I like that we're friends, too. [ it's a long way from how they'd started on the ground, but bellamy doesn't really see himself without raven in his peripherals. and he's comfortable enough to admit that without needing to be pushed by someone else's hands or his own. but it's everything thereafter he does. being open isn't something he does well or knows how to be, and what raven wants from him is something he's never been confident in giving. ]
[ he places his beer on the countertop, and lets it slide, as though he's trying to draw a line with the condensation of the glass. ] You and Clarke are important to me. I really wouldn't have stayed for as long as I have if you two weren't here. You have to know that.
[ thinking to leave it at that, he knows he can't. after using his time to run away from how he's begun to feel — comfortable in eudio, relaxed at the realisation there's no war, warmed every time raven hovers a little too close — he supposes he has to corner himself now. his gaze flickers up to her, then he looks down at the counter again. ] But I don't know if I can give you what you want. I guess it's something I have to figure out. [ now that it's on the table; on the ark it hadn't been a possibility, let alone something he could've entertained and even chased after. though he'd dabbled in something with gina, they hadn't been tethered so tightly together as he believes himself to be with clarke and raven. ]
[ looking at her from the corner of his eye, his voice remains low. he isn't so sure of how he sounds, but he's only begun to untangle everything he's hoped would untangle itself without his fingers needing to pull it apart. it's not surprising raven's ahead of him; it's ironic, given what he knows and she doesn't when it comes to home. but he doesn't smile at the thought. licking his bottom lip, he lifts his gaze to hers. ] I don't want to use you to complete my deal here. I want to, but I don't want you to think anything I do is to get myself out of here.
[Despite her truce and consequent peacemaking with Clarke, it still makes her hackles rise to hear them both put in the same group, after she's bared her heart out. It makes her wonder if she's not the only one, if maybe something happened there -- (too, a bitter part of her adds) -- and it does one more thing.
It's ugly of her to grab onto that small detail (you and Clarke and you two) and let it fester and feed the idea that this settles it. He may not be Finn, but he doesn't get it here, because if he really got her he'd know better than to bring Clarke up just this once.
So that settles it, doesn't it? Just friends. It should be easy; they managed to become good friends after having sex, so it should be easy.
She takes a sip of the beer.] You gotta do your thing, I guess. It's your right and I respect that, but please - don't tell me what you think I'm ready for or not. That's my choice.
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She lets out a slow exhale, and lets out a laugh.] Tell me you've got something to drink around here.
no subject
[ pushing himself from where he leans, he moves easily toward his fridge. while he doesn't have too much out of habit of keeping his own stock of food and drink light, bellamy has some of the essentials — that includes beer. he grabs two bottles of corona and shoves the door closed with his elbow. ]
[ placing them by the sink, he opens a drawer to grab the churchkey and opens them. tossing the lids into the sink with an audible clang, he leaves the opener on the counter and grabs the two bottles, holding one out for her. ]
[ it's a better distraction direction to go in, even though bellamy's beginning to wonder whether each time they detour from a tricky conversation if it'll show itself again in the near future. he thinks he can understand her desire to not talk about it anymore, but he still lets himself deny it. ]
Hope you like this stuff.
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Maybe it's one of those conversations that need to happen, out loud. Maybe she needs to stop waiting for him to be bold enough to say 'fuck it', and kiss her even if he plans to leave. (Maybe she'll thank him one day for not doing it.)
She takes a sip of the Corona, and shrugs.] It's okay. [Immediately, she starts to peel off the labels, picking at them while figuring out how to say the rest.]
I like that we're friends. I think I've told you that. [She glances up at him.] You know more about me now than anyone ever has, and...yeah, you're family. And I like that. [She glances down at the label again, peels some more off.] So if you're not ready to start anything, that's fine. I get it. But...I don't think I can handle waiting for it to happen again, so maybe we should just stick to being friends. [Because that'd be easier. Maybe a little painful at first, but easier to handle in the long run, than to wait and to pine for him. Nobody likes being rejected that much, anyway.]
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[ he looks up at her with a small smile. ] I like that we're friends, too. [ it's a long way from how they'd started on the ground, but bellamy doesn't really see himself without raven in his peripherals. and he's comfortable enough to admit that without needing to be pushed by someone else's hands or his own. but it's everything thereafter he does. being open isn't something he does well or knows how to be, and what raven wants from him is something he's never been confident in giving. ]
[ he places his beer on the countertop, and lets it slide, as though he's trying to draw a line with the condensation of the glass. ] You and Clarke are important to me. I really wouldn't have stayed for as long as I have if you two weren't here. You have to know that.
[ thinking to leave it at that, he knows he can't. after using his time to run away from how he's begun to feel — comfortable in eudio, relaxed at the realisation there's no war, warmed every time raven hovers a little too close — he supposes he has to corner himself now. his gaze flickers up to her, then he looks down at the counter again. ] But I don't know if I can give you what you want. I guess it's something I have to figure out. [ now that it's on the table; on the ark it hadn't been a possibility, let alone something he could've entertained and even chased after. though he'd dabbled in something with gina, they hadn't been tethered so tightly together as he believes himself to be with clarke and raven. ]
[ looking at her from the corner of his eye, his voice remains low. he isn't so sure of how he sounds, but he's only begun to untangle everything he's hoped would untangle itself without his fingers needing to pull it apart. it's not surprising raven's ahead of him; it's ironic, given what he knows and she doesn't when it comes to home. but he doesn't smile at the thought. licking his bottom lip, he lifts his gaze to hers. ] I don't want to use you to complete my deal here. I want to, but I don't want you to think anything I do is to get myself out of here.
no subject
It's ugly of her to grab onto that small detail (you and Clarke and you two) and let it fester and feed the idea that this settles it. He may not be Finn, but he doesn't get it here, because if he really got her he'd know better than to bring Clarke up just this once.
So that settles it, doesn't it? Just friends. It should be easy; they managed to become good friends after having sex, so it should be easy.
She takes a sip of the beer.] You gotta do your thing, I guess. It's your right and I respect that, but please - don't tell me what you think I'm ready for or not. That's my choice.